You're Hooked! You know you're addicted to the internet when...

Surfin'

* Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to scroll top to bottom.
* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
* You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
* When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice
  all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're
  halfway through Lycos.
* You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you
  think it  sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack
  for "surfing the net".
* You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search
  engines useless.

Staying Connected!

* You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity or
  phone lines.
* You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a
  cellular modem and a laptop.
* All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster
  connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
* When you turn off your modem, you get this awful empty feeling,
  like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
* You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
* You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net
  and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
* You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
* Actually, you secretly distain them.
* Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS
  on your favorite IRC channel.
* You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is
  allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your
  ISP... because you never log off.
* Your friends no longer send you e-mail; they just log on to
  your IRC  channel.
* Your modem isn't working, and after a few minutes you begin to
  sweat, your hands start to tremble...
* You pick up the phone and hum modem signals to communicate
  with your ISP
* You succeed.

Walk the Walk

* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using
  a word processor.com
* Even your night dreams are in HTML.
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you
  see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though
  you've never had heart problems before.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can
  hear if new e-mail arrives.
* You check your mail. It says "no new messages."  So you check
  it again.  There were 84 new ones ...last hour.
* Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
* You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road,
  your 1st instinct is: search for the "back" button.
* You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom--and check your
  e-mail on the way back to bed.
* You tell people you live at http://123.elm.street/bluetrim.html
* You actually tred that 123.elm.street address.
* You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape
  1.1 or higher."
* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with built-in keyboard & mouse.
* When channel surfing the informercials, you grab a remote control
  and double-click.

Talk the Talk

* You refer to going to the bathroom as "downloading."
* You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net
  dot au."
* You refer to your age as 3.x.
* You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

Serious Warning Signs!

* You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
* You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap...
  and your child in the overhead compartment.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have
  moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
* You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no
  idea where your children are.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you
  of what she looks like.
* Your son tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
* You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest
  games from Apogee.
* Your wife or husband says communication is important in a
  marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second
  phone line so the two of you can chat.
* You forget what year it is.
* You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
* You move into a new house & decide to Netscape before you
  landscape.
* You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "You've
  got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair
  in front of your computer with a toilet.
* Your spouse's new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You don't know what gender over three of your closest friends
  are because they have neutral nicknames.
* You email this message to your friends on the net.  You think
  about printing it out to show it to your others and... what
  others?!?