18 Ways to be an Asshole 1. After sex throw 5 bucks on your date and leave. 2. The next day ask for it back. 3. After sex beat up your date. 4. Get the giggles at church. 5. Start a fight or riot, then call the cops and even testify as a witness. 6. Grab your cat its tail and throw it off a cliff into the sea. 7. Cut your dog with a big knife, then use it as live bait for shark fishing. 8. Piss in people's spices if you don't like the spice or if you think they use it too much. 9. Go into women's bathrooms and piss on the toilet seat. 10. Every time you meet someone new say, "nice to meet you nigger," as you shake hands with them. (regardless of race) 11. If you're under 18, have sex with an adult, then sue them for rape. 12. If you're over 18, have sex with a minor, then call their father and tell him. 13. When her dad comes over to kill you, accuse him of raping his daughter and call the police. 14. When someone passes out, cut off your pubic hair and tape it to their chin. (since goatees are so popular) 15. When you see someone that is retarded or disabled, remind them of their handicap. 16. Go to a retirement home, tell an old person you're his or her grandson, take him(her) to the beach, and throw the old bastard(bitch) off the pier. 17. Take a hungry homeless person out to lunch, then eat all their food. 18. Run around town dressed as a clown and kick pregnant women in the stomach.