.________________. | |_______________________________________. | Stoners Guide | | Part II: | | T H E S U R V I V A L | | K I T | | | |________________________________________________________| Written, created, schemed, and anything alse I can think of by: D U S T R H I N O F E B 2 3 , 1 9 8 7 ? For those of you who have come to love and cherish the stoner print (i.e. sToNeR PriNt iS tHiS), I am sorry. My yUmBo key is not working and I will (reluctantly) type in a grammatical fashion. If you have read Stoners Guide Part I (and enjoyed it), I think you will like this file too. Who knows, if this file is liked also, I might even write a part III! Well, 'nuff said, lets get on with da show! part 1: Survival Basics """""""""""""""""""""""" Every stoner in his life has, at one time or another, been caught or has bought a fuckin' shitty deal. Well, I hope the info in this file with help you set your life and thinking pattern straight, and hopefully you will benifit from this. the first thing to do when you get a shitty deal is NEVER buy from that dealer again. If he (or she) has screwed you once, belive me, they will screw you again. If you have ever been without the proper paraphanalia, and wish to dear God that you had your pipe that you loaned to Jonny Walker, then you shall learn how to make the most of you surroundings, kinda like McGyver! How ta ruff it and others I shall tell also! The worst thing that can happen to a stoner is being caught what he/she does best: getting high. I've never been caught, but I've seen people get caught. It sucks when you just bought a nice hefty ounce from Joe the undercover cop and he busts you before you even load one bowl of the dope! I will discuss means of escape, stealth, intuition, and common sense. After reading this file you will be more informed and well prepeared, belive me! part 2: Dealers """""""""""""""" If you are a dealer, you know what fun it is selling pot and getting lotsa mula! It's also dangerous being a dealer. One thing that you should insist to your sellers (the ones you give the dope to to sell at the nearest campus) is to NEVER bring to your house, at least to the door, a new face. Who knows if that person is really undercover? Most likly it's not, but what if? I hope you know that selling marijuana is a felony if yer caught with more than a gram! (Not so in Oregon though! You can grow and smoke dope, but you can't sell it. You may legally have up to 1 oz. or dope on your person at one time. That means that officer Stiltskin can't do shit if he busts you! Great, huh?) So try ta be careful when selling. If ya wanna keep selling, you should'nt pinch yer deals TOO much. If buyers get skimpy little deals, they are'nt gonna buy no more! part 3: Buyers """"""""""""""" If you are one of the many, proud buyers of pot, then you should know a few basic facts. There are more busts on buyers than dealers. Buyers are usually more desparate, and thus don't really give a damn about who they buy the buds from. If you are gonna buy buds, try to buy it from a friend or somebody that you at least have know for a while. This way yer insured that you won't get some dick who sells you a good deal, and then when you turn around he's reading your maranda rights! Also, try to make the transaction in a secluded or at least safe place. In class is fine if you have a dumbfuck teacher like I did fer English! (Me and a chick smoked a bowl before the bell to leave rang. The whole classroom reeked like pot, and the teacher only asked "Who lit a match back here?". Of course, nobody was found to be guilty of the "crime"!) At lunch in an out-of-the-way spot is cool. If you think yer getting a shitty deal, hold out! Don't buy it! You will regret it later on, belive me! There are also a few tricks that dealers use to get more money for less dope. Trick 1) They spray the buds with water or hairspray. This makes em' heavier, alot heavier! If the dealer weighs out his deals, he could be stealing mega bucks from your pocket! Trick 2) The dealer inserts lots of stems, seeds, and shake, with little or no bud. If it is mostly shake and few seeds, it's probibally OK, but if not, don't buy a garden! You want BUDS! Trick 3) They say it's something when it's really something else. This happens to me alot, but if it's buds, I don't care. They will say it's rad Skunk buds or bitchen Chocolate Tai, when it's really homegrown or redhair. There's nothing wrong with this type of trick, as long as your deal is fairly sized. As long as YOU think your getting yer moneys worth, buy it! I hope the above hints will help you decide whether to buy that nickle of skunk or dime of homechoke (bleech!!). Always check yer deal before buying, and NEVER, but NEVER give your money before getting the buds. More people are screwed that way. Remember, you are supporting the dealers. They control the supply, and you control the demand. Without the demand, they would be left on a jagged cliff picking their asses. So exersise yer rights to CHECK OUT THEM DEALZ!!!! part 4: Survival-in the field """""""""""""""""""""""""""""" You've just bought a nice dime of skunk, and you can't wait to smoke it. You reach for you pipe in your pocket and - it's not there! Damn, you left it at home! You can either 1) walk home, 2) go to a friends and borrow a pipe (and probibally end up smoking all yer buds), or 3) do some McGyver moves. First, look around on the street/alley/whatever for an aluminum can. If you can't find one, dig through some trash cans. If you STILL can't find one, go to the goddamn store and buy a fuckin can of Pepsi! Now you have got yer can. Hold the can with the hole on the bottom of the top ring, as shown in this diagram: -------- / \ | __ | \ | | / -------- ^ | hole that you drink from Now take your fingers and make dent in the lower portion of the can (the lower portion when it is upright). Poke 3 to 6 hole in the center of the dent and whala! You now have a pipe! Place the buds over the holes and ignite! part 5: Survival-at home """"""""""""""""""""""""" Now supposing you bought the same dime of dope as mentioned above, and you walked home ta smoke it. You open yer drawer where you keep your pipe and- oh shit! Your parents must have found it! Well, fuck them! Now all you can think about is smoking the herb. Well, if you happen to have an aluminum can lying around, follow the directions above and your home free. If not, read on! First thing ya do is look in the bathroom. If the T/P is almost gone, unravel the remaining and trash it (or take a shit and wipe yer ass TOTALLY clean!). Now you should have in your hands the cardboard tube. Cut a hole near one of the ends like so: ___________ | -- | | / \ | | | | | | \ / | | | | | | | |___________| It's not a great diagram, but hopefully you know what I'm talking about. Now go get a piece of aluminum foil about 2 inches square, and place it directly over the hole. Push it in a little bit so as to form a bowl, and tape the sides of the foil so it won't fall out. Now poke 3-6 holes in the bowl (not big holes though!) and you are ready to smoke. Oh yeah, when you do smoke out of this pipe, put your hand over the hole that is opposite the one in your mouth. Otherwise you'll suck air! You can make pipes or even bongs out of about anything you can find in the house, using the above 2 priciples. Now go get high! part 6: How to avoid getting caught """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" If you heed any of the advice in this file, heed this one the most: "NEVER GET CAUGHT WITH DOPE!". For one thing, it will make you paranoid to buy or even smoke dope again. If you want to avoid getting caught, RUN. Don't puss out and let the piggers frisk you till you piss yer pants! Give them a chase! At least when your in Juvi you can say that you ran from them fuckin' pigs rather than give up! If you are buying, refer to part 3 for ways to avoid getting caught. If you are selling, refer to part 2 if ya don't wanna go to jail! The only advice I can give you is "BE CAREFUL" and you'll have a happy high! part 7: Stoner's Dictionary """""""""""""""""""""""""""" Avoid: To run from the pigs Buy: To purchase dope Bong: The best smoking device to get stoned with Buds: The meaning of life Brain: The little thing inside yer head after smoking dope Bunk: Shit-weed Cannibis: The name scientists gave pot the first time they got stoned Carb: Little hole on bongs to get that 'final hit' Cool: What you say after you get a rad deal Deal: Your purchase of buds Dope: The buds themself Drugs: What everybody needs to succeed in life Doobie: Nickname for 'joint' Fry: LSD, acid, the trip drug discovered in the 60's Freebase: coke up, man! Fun: What you have when yer stoned Grass: Old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old name for pot Grab: What you do to the person holding the pipe Groan: What you do when you get a shitty deal Hold: The act of holding in your hit Homegrown: Weed that is grown in the home Homechoke: Raspy, hash, and shitty tasting homegrown weed Huddle: What a group of people do so they can cherry the pot Harvest: What you do when yer crop is ripe! Indica: Indica buds Joint: marijuana cigarette JD: Short for Jack Daniels Junkie: What yer called by the public when yer addicted ta drugs Killer Hit: One of the more bigger hits you can take Leftovers: What you have on Monday from the deal you bought Friday Lounge: What you do when your burning out Marijuana: The herb of life, happy smoke, pot Narcotic: drugs, dope Opium: The dope of the Asias Ounce: What you wish you bought after you buy a dime Pot: Weed, dope, herb, marijuana Pussy: What feels good when yer stoned Pack: What you do to yer dope when you put it in the bowl Pretend: What wanna-be's do when the get 'stoned' Stoned: The effects of smoking dope Shit: What dope is sometimes called Toke: The act of lighting up yer dope That's da end of this file, and guess what? Since my phreak codes are starting ta act up, I might not be availiable for a couple of days after Feb 25, 1987. But still, I will get some, so if you want, contact me at Circus Maximus AE/BBS (804) 973-3644 and leave me some mail. If ya want, leave some ideas or formats or ANYTHING about these or future files. Requests are readly and eagery accepted. So call now! Oh, if this file is more than a year old and you're reading it for the first time, don't bother, cuz I tried ta contact others that have written files a year later, and it has'nt worked.... Remember, if you help, Stoners Guide Part III will pop up in BBS's across the nation! Oh, try to Upload this file to as many BBS's as humanly possible, ok? Thanks Dust Rhino "If at first you don't get it lit, try again untill you do." -Dust Rhino (>