OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO o Zhit Axis Nation (ZIT) o o Presents ... o o o o HOW TO FAKE SICKNESS AND GO HOME EARLY! o o o o By Homocidal HitchHiker o OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO School is coming up soon, so this file is for all of you who long to go home and call out! Hopefully by the end of this file you'll be ditching like the pros. (Me) First you will need: 3 GULLABLE ADULTS 1 Parent 1 Teacher 1 School Nurse AND A STRAIGHT FACE. STEP ONE: While going into the class of your choice, do the following: Put your hand to your head or stomach let your eyelids sag Walk slowly to your desk Rest your head Okay, Rest your pathetic little head on your desk for about five or ten minutes, or until your gullable teacher says "Are you feeling OK" Then reply in a weak voice, "Hell no bitch!" or something to that effect. If they ask whats wrong, make up some shit about your head/stomach within realitic boundries. (i.e. NOT "I ruptured my spleen!") If she sends you to the nurse, GOOD! You're on your way! If not just say "Fuck you then!" and go slash her tires or firebomb her house. STEP TWO: The Nurse's Office Okay, you've faked out your sorry teacher and you're on your way to the nurse... Think about what you're going to tell her (or him? Yech!). Tell her that you feel weak and nauseous and you just want to go home and rest. They'll probably let you call your parental figure after taking your temperature. Now, when they take your temperature, make sure to put it under your tounge and then suck on it real hard (oooh!). No seriously, this will reduce the amount of air in your mouth and it will rise faster. Just don't suck too hard, or you'll end up with a mouth full of mercury! (Yech!) So, no matter what your temperature is, call your parent anyways. (That wasn't so hard was it?) NOTE: DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT say your throat hurts unless you have a strange urge to get a giant Q-Tip shoved down your throat! STEP 3: YeR DUm StOOpId PerEntz This is by-far the funnest part. Okay dial up your parent, or better yet call some of your friends in the Orient (It's not YOUR phone bill! )! Okay keep your soft voice and ask for your parent. When they say some dumb thing like "Where are you?" say something like "Where do you think ?@#%!" Or tell them that you're in the Nurse's Office and you don't feel well. if they ask what's wrong, feed them the same bullshit that you fed the other gullable adults. After which, have them talk to the nurse so she can verify your pitifulness. If That doesn't work and your parent won't let you go home, keep coming back to the nurse and calling your parent EVERY period until they are so sick of you that they will FINALLY send you home! NOTE: If your parent sends you to the doctor, just put on the act and lie like a dog and they will say "Yes, your son/daughter has the Flu" or something and then you will be snickering under your "sickly" breath! Muuuhahahahahaha!!!! >>>>>>>>>>> DISCLAIMER <<<<<<<<<<<<<<< This File WORKS! But should anything happen to you, I'm not responsible so there! ************************************** This File Was Written by: /-/omocidal /-/itchHiker 07/22/91 Greets to: Erasmus, Eightball, Ronnieman, and all ZANists everywhere! OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO